OUR JOURNEY WITH INFERTILITY

HOW WE GOT TO WHERE WE ARE

Cobian and I were married on July 23, 2022, eager and excited to start a family and be young parents. After a year of negative test after negative test and issues with my cycle after receiving a vaccination (that’s another story for another day), it became clear something wasn’t entirely right.

I had been in the ER for my cycle due to extreme pain that can cause vomiting, pain down my legs to the point I can’t walk, and I’ve even passed out. It’s been 3 years of doctors telling me to “just get on birth control”, and to take over the counter pain medication because that should be enough, right?

A few months ago I went in for an HSG test. This is a procedure for an x-ray where they pushed fluid through my uterus to “light up” my tubes and uterus to see if there are any blockages and it was an incredibly painful procedure, that they do not provide medication for, and it concluded that my tubes were very blocked. My doctor wanted to try to keep going and see if they could push through the scarred tissue/blockages to try to clear it (withought even being medicated), I tried to push through but I just couldn’t.

I’ve been about 99% sure I have endometriosis since these flare ups began, it’s just been a matter of having a supportive healthcare team. It wasn’t until my HSG test, in a follow up appointment, did my OBGYN say “yeah that sounds like endometriosis”, for the first time at least a partial acknowledgement. Unfortunately, they can’t say for sure until I go in for a Laparoscopy.

I need to get my final ultrasound before I can see the endometriosis specialist and explore the option of surgery. Our hope is that the surgery will clear up enough for us to get pregnant naturally, I am also trying Castor oil packs as an alternative, more natural route. Otherwise, it’s very likely we will need to do IVF. Though, in that call with my OBGYN she said it’s very likely they will want to take my tubes out before doing IVF, which I am not willing to do. So we are saying a whole lot of prayers.

THE EMOTIONS & NOW

Navigating the waters of infertility and, what I believe is endometriosis, has been a painful and grief-filled journey. Testing our strength and shattering expectations. But, we truly believe God has a plan and His plans are always greater than our own.

I’ve carried the heavy burden of infertility mostly silently, a weight that seemed to grow heavier with each passing month. And month after month, I’ve watched as friends and family joyfully announced their pregnancies, while I grappled with the crushing disappointment of another negative pregnancy test. Which is such a strange thing- feeling so excited for someone while simultaneously feeling so sad.

Adding to the complexity of this struggle has been the unofficial diagnosis of endometriosis, a chronic condition characterized by the presence of uterine tissue outside the uterus which adheres to other organs and causes extreme inflammation. The pain it’s brought has not only been physical but also wildly, emotionally draining.

Through the tears and the setbacks, I’ve simultaneously felt a lot of peace knowing that God has us. I am learning to embrace the ebb and flow of my emotions, allowing myself to grieve what I’d hoped would be our journey to starting a family, and the what if we never have that opportunity, while finding hope in the possibility of the future.

Today, as I reflect on this journey, I am filled with gratitude for the lessons I’m learning; patience, hope, faith and to lean on each other in the moments of pain and sadness- while the waves ahead may still be uncertain.

To anyone else navigating the stormy seas of infertility and/or endometriosis, I want you to know that you are not alone. Your pain is valid, your struggles are seen, and your journey is worthy of celebration and a community of people who just want to love on you. I hope you find solace in the knowledge that within you lies a strength beyond measure, a strength born of resilience, courage, and unwavering love.

Much love and Aloha always,

Tay & Cobian